Walking Home

BY COREY QURESHI.

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At Nite,
My Shadows Move At Two Different Speeds
Strolling Ahead and Chasing From Behind.

The Front Half Slowly Slips From Me,
The One Behind Eclipses Me and Now
My Insides Clench, I'm Rushing Nowhere Important,
Punctuality Isn't Even Important In This Moment
of Ashen Shadows Floating Around Like Other People

At Home Bruised Pores Suck Leg Hairs Back Under The Skin,
Leaving Bare Patches of Shadow
On Calves Thin with Rest.
Inversions on My Mind
Regression on My Breath
Moving Backwards Doesn't Cheat Death
But Sometimes The Future Runs Off,
Leaving Us To Writhe In Moments of Stress.

What I've Known Are Comforts That Slink Back In
From The Corners of Rooms I Occupy
I'm Such a Taurus
Sometimes It Disgusts Me.
I've Disgusted Everyone I've Loved
In Rhythmic Shadows of Scorpio Moons
Unrelated to Them
After, I Spent Months, Years Cocooned In Memories,
Unable to Move from Anxieties

but Newness Was A Transfusion
That Recolored Dead Skin
Starting With Pressure In My Fingernails
To Forearms That Ripped Silky Twist Ties
of Shame Passed

Stretching My Legs And Wiping off The Wisps,
I Couldn't Stand without Diente & Szu
I Couldn't Stand without My Mom & My Sister
I'm More Blessed Than I Deserve
but I've Always Wanted to Feel Spoiled By Strangers.
Now I Feel Strange,
High On Their Compliments,
High All The Time To Ignore Things

and I Get What I Want 
But I Keep Trying to Dodge It, Thinking

I Don't Deserve Beautiful Things
That Approach In Many Forms With
Smiles I Want Forever.
I Want Everyone
But Also, Leave Me Alone

                        —Left Alone I'd Lose It 
                             Left Alone I'd Sweep and Mop
                             Left Alone I'd Be a Hamster in A Cage
                             Left Alone I'd Have an Asthma Attack and Pass Out
                             Left Alone I'd Make Songs for Everyone Leaving Me Alone
                             Left Alone I'd Be Apart From You

            I Want Everyone.
            I Want To Make Yall Proud
            I'm Chasing The Sprinting Shadow Now
            Thru Cracked Sidewalks That Shout
            Love In Thru The Soles of My Shoes
            Things'll Be Fine
            There's Time For Everyone
            There's Still So Much Left
            Moving Backwards Doesn't Cheat Death
            And I Don't Plan On Lingering or Dying Yet
            ​I'm Almost Home

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Corey Qureshi is a qpoc writer and musician based in Philadelphia. They work at an LGBT Center and teach music part time. They're a taurus, like sweating and love being a young parent. Find their work at  neutralspaces.co/q_boxo, and find them on Twitter  @q_boxo.